


All Things Alex

by justkatherinetheokay



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex's adventures on the internet, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Politics, Gen, Peggy's name was Margarita not Margaret come on ao3, West Wing AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 08:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5820862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkatherinetheokay/pseuds/justkatherinetheokay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton is introduced to his fan site. Chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Things Alex

**Author's Note:**

> Concept and at least a third of the dialogue borrowed from The West Wing, 3x16 "The U.S. Poet Laureate".
> 
> Alex is Treasury Secretary but, obviously, Josh, Eliza is his assistant aka Donna, Angelica is Press Secretary aka CJ, and I have no clue what John does but he's meant to be roughly analogous to Sam.

**Day One**

  


It was always hard to know what kind of day it was going to be until Alexander was in the thick of it, but walking into the office to find the secretaries crowded around a computer only to have them all giggle when he arrived rarely boded well. “What’s going on?” 

“Hey there, hotpants.” Peggy said it with a straight face, so for a few seconds Alexander barely registered that she had said anything strange at all. Then it hit him, and he stopped in his tracks. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Eliza struck gold.” They all drew back as Alexander walked closer to peer curiously at the computer screen. 

“What is that?” he asked. Some website, or— 

“Hamilton Habit dot com,” said Meade. 

“What is it?” Alexander asked again, because, honestly, the url gave him more new questions than it answered. 

“It’s your fan site,” said Eliza, clearly trying and failing not to laugh. 

“My what now?” 

“There’s a website devoted to ‘all things Alex’,” she explained. 

“You’re kidding me.” 

“Nope.” Peggy, too, looked just a bit too pleased with herself. 

“HamiltonHabit.com?” 

“You have fans,” said Eliza. “Not a lot of them, but the ones you have are... mm, is hysterical the word, do you think?" she asked, that directed at Peggy, who nodded. Alexander blinked. 

“What do they talk about?” he asked, suddenly intrigued—and a little flattered, of course, because who wouldn’t be? 

“You,” she replied, “whenever you publish anything, whenever you make the rounds on the talk shows…” 

“There’s also the section called ‘sightings about town'," Peggy put in. "You know, for actual Alex encounters of the third kind.” 

“Most of which seem to have taken place in restaurants and haberdasheries to which you’ve never been,” Eliza added, “unless you’ve been leading some kind of double life that I've somehow missed..." Alexander raised his eyebrows. 

“HamiltonHabit.com,” he repeated. Eliza nodded. 

“Right now we’re looking at the section devoted to the Alex Fantasy Date,” she said. “This, as you can probably imagine, is where the women—and, surprising no one, no small number of men—discuss what they would do with you if, you know…” 

“Right,” said Alexander, suddenly slightly uncomfortable under all their delighted gazes. “Could everyone who doesn’t work here please go work to where they do work?” 

“I want to work here now,” said Peggy, grinning a little evilly. 

“You can get this at your own desk,” Alexander pointed out. 

“You better believe it.” She and Meade walked away, both snickering. 

“All right,” said Eliza, turning away from the monitor. “You’ve got Senior Staff, then a meeting with State, at which you will _behave yourself_ , then a meeting with the _Treasurer_ —they should really change his title, people keep getting him confused with you, I swear at least three staffers so far have asked me why you have a meeting blocked with yourself and then _winked_ , I think they think it’s a _special alone time_ kind of thing—Alex, are you listening?” He was not. 

“Sorry,” he said, leaning over her to grab control of the mouse, “just a sec. I want to look at this thing.” 

“Alex,” said Eliza, who he had sort of boxed into a corner. 

“Sorry,” said Alexander again, stepping back enough for her to stand up. Then he took her chair. 

“Alexander!” Eliza looked down at him sternly. 

“I’m just looking!” He looked back with his very best puppy-dog eyes. Those usually worked on her. “What’s wrong with looking?” Eliza sighed. 

“You really shouldn’t take it too seriously,” she told him. “It’s the internet. You never know who’s on the other side.” 

“Well, yeah,” said Alexander. “I’m not _stupid.”_

“You just keep telling yourself that,” came John’s voice as he walked around the corner into the office. 

“John!” Alexander jumped up to grab him, keeping a foot hooked around the chair leg so Eliza couldn’t take it away. “Come here, you have to see this!” 

“You really don’t,” said Eliza. John looked askance at the both of them, but came to stand behind Alexander at the computer—not that he had much of a choice, since Alexander had caught hold of his tie. 

“Uh,” he said. “What’s this?” 

“My fan site!” said Alexander, at the same time Eliza said, 

“The online hub of Hamilton hysteria.” 

“Yo, nice alliteration!” Alexander held up a hand for a high five. Eliza gave him a look, and he dropped it. 

“You have a fan site?” said John. 

“HamiltonHabit.com,” said Alexander and Eliza in unison. 

“Hamilton habit, as in, trying to kick the?” said John doubtfully. 

“Probably.” Alexander shrugged. “At this moment we’re looking at the Alex Fantasy Date page, which is, you know…” 

“Exactly what it sounds like,” said Eliza, who was beginning to sound as if she sincerely regretted introducing this into their lives. Alexander didn’t know why; this was _great._

“…Huh,” said John, leaning forward over his shoulder for a closer look. “Man, this is something, all right.” 

“Isn’t it?” If Alexander was preening a little, well, he didn’t think he could rightly be faulted for that. Eliza sighed heavily. 

“Well, I have actual _work_ to do…” Alexander nodded, not looking up. 

“Let me know when Angelica’s briefing starts?” 

“Sure,” said Eliza, and started to walk away, pausing only to add, “—and please, for the love of god, don’t say yes to any of those fantasy dates.” 

“Oh, he won’t,” John assured her without removing his own eyes from the screen. “None of these sounds like anything he’d actually be into, anyway.” He glanced at Alexander. “Do they?” Alexander shrugged. 

“Not so far, but someone's bound to get it right eventually." 

“…Okay. Well, I’ll leave you two to grapple with that for a while,” said Eliza. “Try to get some work done, maybe, at some point?” 

“Have I ever not?” said Alexander, without removing his eyes from the screen. “Eliza?” Now he did. She had left. “Okay, never mind. Want to look at the other pages?” 

  


**Day Two**

  


“Eliza?” Alexander called, forehead creasing as he read the screen before him. 

“Yeah?” she called back from somewhere out in the hall. 

“Something, uh—” he bit his lip, frowning at the monitor. “Something strange is happening.” Eliza appeared in the doorway. 

“Are you back on that website?” 

“HamiltonHabit.com. Yes.” He glanced back at her. She looked disappointed in him. There was a chance he deserved that, though he personally didn’t think things were that bad quite yet. 

“Alex…” Eliza sighed. “What is it now?” 

“Well…” Alexander grimaced. “They don’t seem to be taking my response quite as I intended it.” Eliza crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Your _response?”_ Oh. Right. He hadn’t told her he was doing that. Having John in on it had made it seem a legitimate enough choice. 

He was starting to think he may have been wrong about that. 

“I responded to a post. Just to correct a factual error!” he added in his own defense at the look on her face. “They misinterpreted something I said to the press as implying I would be able to _vote_ on a bill, when as Treasury Secretary of _course_ I can’t—” 

“Alex!” 

“What?” 

“You _posted_ on your own _fan site?”_

“I was interacting with the people!” said Alexander. “They’re taking an interest in government! That’s good! It’s what we want! They should be applauded.” 

“Couldn’t you applaud them without _responding to them?”_

“These are the people talking, Eliza! I’m not an elitist.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“Well, okay, yes, I am an elitist, but I have respect for people who don’t measure up. Look how well I get along with Monroe!” That wasn’t entirely fair to Monroe, but since when did _that_ matter? 

“…You get along with Monroe now?" Eliza asked. _"I_ don't get along with Monroe." Right. Since then. 

“—Yeah, okay, bad example, but—” 

“So they’re not taking to your response the way you thought they would?” she cut over him. 

“…No.” 

“Did you expect them to?” 

“I thought they all seemed fairly reasonable!” Alexander protested. 

“They have a whole page to discuss what they’d do on an _Alex Fantasy Date.”_

“But now,” he continued, ignoring her (very relevant) point, “I’ve come to realize there’s a distinct political structure to the place, a hierarchy, and not one that’s healthy or at all well-managed. Here they are talking about separation of powers when they themselves are led by a single user in particular, who seems to pride herself on her organizational skills and a certain amount of discipline.” 

“Really.” 

“For a brief time, she almost reminded me of me.” 

“Of course,” said Eliza. 

“Except that she rules with an iron fist,” Alexander continued. “You know, ‘you’ve posted in the wrong place. Stay on topic, people. Don’t use capital letters. I don’t have time to tell you twice,’ when clearly she _does_ have time to tell them twice, and why _shouldn’t_ they be allowed to use capital letters? I mean, _I_ think that capitalizing nouns for emphasis is a tradition in written English that should be brought _back._ But that’s not the problem.” 

“What’s the problem?” Eliza asked, her face and voice resigned. 

“Here, and I quote—” he turned back to the computer to read what was posted there. “‘Someone needs to deal with Alex’s planet-sized ego, by teaching him Government 101. Who made him overlord of the Federalist Party?’ Which, frankly, is just disrespectful to the President, but moving on, someone else writes, ‘Is Alex delusional, or is he actively trying to destroy the separation of powers?’” 

“Well, are you?” Eliza asked. 

“No! I mean, maybe if you asked _Jefferson,_ but—” 

“Then Alexander, _please,_ turn off the computer and come back to reality.” 

“I think I need to clarify my original post,” said Alexander, not budging an inch. Eliza sighed. 

“I think that’s a bad idea,” she said gently. 

“No, see, I don’t think it _is,”_ said Alexander. 

“No, I suppose you wouldn't.” 

“I really think these are good people, Eliza, but they’re being controlled by a totalitarian dictator. What they need is a revolution, which in this situation I think it’s reasonable to say falls on me to incite—” 

“You want a _revolution?”_

“Yes!” said Alexander. “What’s wrong with that? These people look up to me, Eliza, and now they need my help!” 

“If anyone needs help, it’s you,” said Eliza. “Can I get you a damp towel or something?”

“Coffee?” Alexander suggested hopefully. She sighed. 

“I’m on it.” 

  


**Day Three**

  


“Eliza. Eliza!” Alexander poked his head out of his office and looked around until he found her. “The internet people have gone crazy!” 

“Imagine that,” said Eliza, her voice resigned. 

“They’re calling the Treasury Department ‘General Alex’s Standing Army’ and claiming I plan to mobilize my forces to overthrow Congress and declare the supremacy of the Executive Branch!” 

“I told you they were hysterical,” Eliza pointed out. 

“I thought you just meant they were _funny,”_ Alexander groused. “But they’re not! It’s just—it’s Rousseau, all up in there! The failure of their social contract has reduced them to monsters!” 

“It’s not like they invited you into it!” 

“It has my name on it!” He sighed. “Okay. You know what? You were right. This entire thing was a mistake, and I wash my hands of it.” 

“Good,” said Eliza. “Now, you have a meeting with the President in half an hour, and—” 

“Alex?” Angelica came around a corner, paused at the end of the hall on catching sight of him, then turned and walked purposefully toward them. 

“What?” 

“The Federal Page of the Washington Post wants to know if you’re the Alexander Hamilton who stated on an internet website that the Treasury Department has a say in enacting legislation.” 

“Influence in Congress, is what I said,” said Alex. Angelica stopped short, staring at him, her mouth a thin line of discontent. That wasn’t a good expression. Was it too late to backtrack? “I, uh—” 

“You posted on a web site?” said Angelica, glancing at Eliza, who made a face. 

“I was participating in political discourse with the people,” said Alexander. 

“Really.” 

“It’s—” Alexander sighed. “It’s another world in there, Ange, John and I found a whole section that’s there just to speculate on which of my colleagues I’m screwing. And they’ve got this totalitarian ruler who just acts with impunity, a total King George type—” 

“What on _earth_ led you there in the first place?” Angelica asked. 

“Well—Eliza found it, it’s called HamiltonHabit.com—” he broke off as Angelica seized him by the arm and marched him back into his office. “Um—?” He looked askance back at Eliza, who shrugged, not particularly sympathetic. 

“Alexander, I have to admit, this is a level of _stupid_ I never expected from you,” she hissed. Okay, so Angelica was mad. “Now, this is kind of my _thing,_ so let me explain it to you. Remember what happened to Lafayette when he went back to France, after they actually revolted?” 

“Yes, but—” 

“You may have swooped in there with the best of intentions to liberate them from tyranny or whatever—” 

“I didn’t _swoop in_ anywhere—” 

“But eventually, you see, things were bound to go wrong. So they’ve taken something the wrong way, decided you’re a monarchist, and chased you out with pitchforks. Now here you are, exiled in disgrace.” 

“I’m not—” 

“So I’m here to break you out of prison,” Angelica finished. 

“As you would in this scenario.” 

“Yes. One of my interns is going to check that stupid website every night before they go home. And Alex, I swear to god, if they find you posting again, I’m going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass—” Alexander snorted. He couldn’t help it. _“What?”_

“Well, uh—” he grinned weakly. “I _substantially_ outrank you—” 

_“So far up your ass!”_ Angelica shouted. Alexander winced. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” said Angelica, leaning towards him. She wasn’t actually taller than him at all, but when Alexander pissed her off enough it could start to feel like she loomed over him as much as Washington. Right now was most assuredly one of those times. 

“We’re good?” Alexander tried. 

“We’d better be,” said Angelica darkly. 

“Okay! Then we’re good.” 

“Good.” She frowned. “There’s seriously a page to argue about which of us you’re sleeping with?” 

“Oh yeah,” said Alexander. “Believe me, say just about anyone’s name who works in this building—hell, pretty much the whole District—and you’ll find there’s _someone_ in there who thinks I’ve fucked them.” 

“And how many of them are on to something, is the real question,” Angelica said dryly. 

“That’s for me to know.” Alexander winked. She rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, loverboy. Time for you to get back to, you know, actually running the country.” With that, she turned and walked away. 

“Okay,” said Alexander to himself. “Eliza?” 

“Hmm?” She stuck her head in. 

“What’s next?” 

  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a couple of hours on Sunday night instead of doing literally any of my homework so I hope y'all enjoyed it
> 
> I couldn't come up with a url to quite match the beauty that is lemonlyman.com but hamiltonhabit.com was the best I came up with and I think it retains the spirit of the thing
> 
> Also I have no idea what the political context or timeline is in this AU, I just know Washington's the President, King George was a thing, and Lafayette went back to France for the revolution apparently? (tbh I just didn't feel comfortable using the original One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest reference with these characters because of how very different and incongruous the eras are)
> 
> Third and finally, I just realized this is the second fic I've written where Angelica calls Alex "loverboy" to mock him, so, that's a thing
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
